Move Over, Unicorn. I’m Making Childhood Magical!
Don’t get me wrong: we’re not going to bash unicorns in here. I love shimmery, fantastical beasts as much as everyone else.
What I do want to talk about is that word: MAGICAL.
Children, like unicorns, are magical beings, and they deserve a magical childhood. But unlike unicorns, they also have specific developmental needs.
As parents, we can exhaust ourselves by trying to outdo the neighbors, keep up on social media, or reproduce what we remember as being the best parts of our own youth.
These are some of the biggest myths on the internet these days, mama, so look out for them and your impulse to conform.
A Magical Childhood ≠ An Extravagant Childhood
You do not need to throw the most lavish, expensive, beautiful birthday parties anyone has ever imagined. As adults, I think we fall into this belief (strengthened by social media, probably!) that if we aren’t giving our children the most elaborate birthday party possible, we’re failing them--and falling short of magical.
When we look at the real needs of the child, we know that they thrive on consistency and routine!
Children enjoy celebrations, but if we go so BIG, so INTENSE, and we set HIGH expectations, children often react in negative ways.
Ever seen a toddler crying at his own birthday party? I have, and trust me — you don’t want to go there.
A Magical Childhood ≠ Trips to Disney
I love Disney music, and my husband is a serious Disneyphile. So are many of our family members. But when our family invited us to go when my child was 18 months old, I declined. I knew in my heart that it would just overwhelm him and we would end up more stressed than happy. He needed a smaller, quieter, and more intimate opportunity to bond and interact with family.
When you think about it, big birthday parties and Disney have similarities--both are slightly over the top, can be sensory overload, and can be fairly overwhelming, with many people in only a certain amount of space. They require lots of planning and orchestration to make sure that everyone there gets what they need.
This structure, while important and comforting for adults, can feel constricting to the child. Ultimately, it can take away from the feeling of magic they might otherwise have.
A Magical Childhood ≠ Lots of Beautiful Toys
It’s easy to fall into the belief that in order to have a magical childhood your child needs EVERY SINGLE BEAUTIFUL, OPEN-ENDED material that can be purchased via the miracle of the Internet.
Here’s the thing: I know it seems like having <insert desired toy or gadget> would make parenting easier, and I know it’s tempting--but you cannot make childhood magic by throwing money at it.
Money is great, though, and if you are able to afford beautiful things and big experiences to share with your child, I celebrate that with you. I have been fortunate enough to give my children both privileged and not so privileged experiences in their childhood--and neither are what I think of when I think of what made their early childhood magical.
You cannot buy things or experiences and expect them to do the magic for you or your child.
Magical Childhood ≠ Fantasy
Dragons, fairies, Disney princesses: we think they do (because, marketing!), but according to the laws of physical, cognitive, and emotional development, children do not need these things in order to grow and learn.
It’s actually adults who need fantasy! We need to escape — from work, from chores, from the neverending litany of everyday life events. No wonder Game of Thrones became so popular!
Personally, as a Montessorian and a mama, I think it’s fine to share fantastical ideas with children. Go ahead and play fairies, romp around like unicorns. But also, share drawings of unicorns and photographs of rhinoceri and narwhals, which really do exist and have real horns, and also horses, which really do exist but do not have real horns.
Help them make that distinction between reality and fantasy. You can say, “Horses are real. They really exist on Earth. You can go see one and pet it. Unicorns are fantasy. They only exist in my imagination and the imagination of many other adults and children. You cannot see one or pet it.”
There’s nothing non-Montessori about sharing fantasy with young children...but it ALSO is not what makes childhood magical.
I know that this is one of the biggest differences between the Waldorf/Steiner take on childhood and the Montessori take on childhood and it may bring up some uncomfortable feelings depending on which side you are more inclined toward.
I do feel very strongly that it’s okay to embrace fantasy...as long as it does not start to interfere with reality. There is a line, and it’s in a different spot for every child. Some children are fine with lots of fantasy play. Others get stuck in a fantasy loop, and can’t get out of play that is caught within the fantasy world that someone else invented.
This is about the personality of the child, and not who you are as a parent. Know your child, and you can’t go wrong.
