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Here’s some for you, bunny. Now hedgehog wants some more! Some for me, too. And you, too, Mommy!

Because pretend play, imaginative play, and fantasy play is SO hotly debated in the Montessori community, I get TONS of questions about it.

Parents want to know — if a Montessori education emphasizes the real world, is there room for playing pretend? Or is that a waste of my child’s time?

Today I am answering two questions about pretend play, and if you’ve been wondering, I hope you’ll find some answers for yourself in there, too!

Join me in a discussion about child development as we explore the benefits of pretend play and what to do when our children want to play with cars or dolls all day.

First…if you’re new here, welcome!!! Know that you can always listen to any of our episodes at www.childoftheredwoods.com/podcast

The Car-Loving 2 year old and the Doll-loving 5 year old

To get to the root of pretend play, I always end up reflecting back on my OWN children. When I close my eyes and think back, I realize that all of their pretending play seemed to evolve out of Practical Life experiences.

And when I say practical life, just in case Montessori is new to you, I mean the real things that we do in day to day life. This includes caring for oneself, caring for the environment, and caring for others. For example, doing the dishes, preparing food, watering plants, wall washing, those sorts of activities.

In Montessori, we believe that offering those real activities is essential for healthy development. However, giving our children real experiences does not mean the child will not choose to roleplay it with different materials!

Children need those animated interactions with objects in a way that adults do not.

For most children, this type of pretend play is a healthy way to process experiences, refine skills, understand the world around them, and really understand what it means to be human in social relationships. It offers a chance to try different things out and build confidence for future experiences.

This is why you might see a child pretend to nurse a doll or turn a wooden block into a choo-choo train. It’s SO healthy for them!

The Younger Child Needs no Intervention

Let’s talk about the young child! I believe WHOLEHEARTEDLY that for the very young child (under 3-3.5 years), there is nothing you need to do as a parent to encourage this type of play. You give them all those real life experiences and they use those as fodder for pretend play.

They don’t need specific toys to be able to pretend.

The child will use whatever objects they have around them to enact their pretend play, and if they get into a groove where they want to do it all the time, it doesn’t mean that there is a need that you are not fulfilling. Participate if you’re invited and play along if you wish. And also feel free to hang out nearby and not feel obligated.

During these young years (18mos-3.5) your child CANNOT pretend too much. They’re solidifying their understanding of the world and it boosts their language learning skills.

But what about the older child?

Even if we are homeschooling for ages 3-6, like many of my students in Homeschool of the Redwoods, our job is not to dictate what the child does. Our job is to present the child with a large variety of wonderful experiences and options and then sit back and admire what the child chooses to do and take away from them.

From age 4 on up, we expect some of these experiences to be academic in nature. We offer experiences without pressure or expectations.

If you live in a place that has fairly high academic expectations, you may start feeling pressure to push your child away from those pretend activities and towards more academic work.

Our job is to follow the child while also giving the child lots of experiences.

If you have a child who is deeply engaged in imaginative play all the time, you might as yourself some questions: What would happen if I did nothing for 6 months? What would the consequences be?

If the consequences are not all that severe...let it go. As Montessorians, we say Follow the child, and we mean it. We shift the focus away from our attention and towards their needs.

If the expectations in your culture are high enough that your child would experience severe consequences, sit down and talk with your child about it. You might say, “When you go to this extracurricular, they are going to expect you to be able to do _______. I feel like it’s important for you to feel confident in your ability to do that if they ask, and so I want to make practicing it a priority for us. I know you love and are good at so many things, and you just haven’t had enough time to practice this yet. So every day, we are going to practice.”

It may not feel like following the child. But we are also responsible for protecting and supporting our child.

-Ultimately, it’s all embracing that not all times in life will be balanced. Sometimes, they need more time for imaginative play. Sometimes they need more routine and skill practice. You just continue to model, entice, and provide an environment where your children can joyfully grow. Eventually, the imaginative play will be over. I give you permission to let the pressure to perform go.

Of Special Note: Reality Vs. Fantasy Play

Children in the First Plane (0-6 years) are developing the ability to sort out reality and fantasy. This is backed up by neuroscience!

If you want to read MORE about this neuroscience, you can get Lise Eliot’s book “What’s Going On In There? How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years of Life”. I read an excerpt from page 412.

Keep in mind that all children under 4 are neurologically in a place where they cannot yet separate fiction and reality. So it’s important that we are really, really careful about when and what we introduce to our children.

When we talk about pretend play, as Montessorians, we are not really talking about Fantasy or Character play. We try to give them lots of real things, and let the reality inform their play.

I believe that it’s our responsibility to always be honest about what is real and what is not (yes, even Santa). I know that might be hard for you, but take some time to think about it.

There *are* some studies that early exposure to fantasy characters actually limit the child’s creativity when they engage in imaginative play; and we know children are more expansive in their play with open-ended toys that they can pretend with rather than specific figurines.

Have Your Cake and Eat It, Too!

In summary: we can embrace that there is value in Practical work and also value in imaginative play. Children’s interests vary and we can follow the child...and still support them in developing necessary skills.

>> Ready for some Montessori Magic?

Tips for Pretend Play the Montessori Way

• Display a smaller number toys (exa: realistic dolls) on a shelf in a basket rather than in a toy box.

• Provide a variety of open-ended toys. (Exa: play silks, nature items).

• Add a puppet theater and/or some props! These types of story retelling activities are great for children ages 4+. It’s even better if you participate. Make your own marionettes and tell stories together.

• Be wary of fairy tales and fantasy characters that might be scary for younger children.

• Allow your children lots of unstructured time for making their own play.

• Don’t be afraid to model the dramatic arts for all ages, including storytelling in voice and body.

Gratitude

Today I am grateful to the Montessori community for continuing to hash this controversy out over and over again throughout the years. The more we debate it, the better I think we know how to respond to our children. No, I don’t think all of what Maria wrote was perfect.

What is less important is what Maria Montessori thought, and what is more important is that we continue as parents and guides to challenge each other to think deeply about child development and what is best for children.