Getting Family On Board With Montessori and Gentle Parenting
Do you feel like you are walking the Montessori journey alone?
Are your family members still advocating for traditional parenting methods like spanking, time-out, bribing, or threatening? Are you looking for ways to help them learn about Montessori and gentle parenting?
Getting family on board with Montessori is something a lot of parents struggle with, so you are in good company. Here are some things you can do to help them understand you - and your parenting philsophy - better.
In this episode, we are deep-diving into helping families understand Montessori. But first, you might enjoy this free Mini-Dictionary of Montessori terms to print and discuss with family so everyone is on the same page.
I'm Aubrey Hargis, Montessorian and mom of two. Parenting is not something you do alone. We all must learn how to parent along with our family members, our friends, and the people around us. I have been so fortunate enough to have lots of support and lots of resistance along the way.
Because education is a journey we take with our children, and the oppportunities for learning start over every day.
Okay, let's talk about how to get your family on board!
A letter from a Mama (7:24)
“I was hoping to find out how to manage walking the Montessori journey alone. My parents, inlaws and husband (depending on the day) do not agree with the Montessori way, instead pressuring me to revert to 'traditional' methods of spanking, threats, punishments, no independence etc.
I'm feeling outnumbered, unsupported and I'm starting to unravel.
I also don't like the kids being treated 'their' way and feel the need to step in.....
This is a huge thing for us right now as we are living in isolation with my inlaws and I am battling daily with their judgments. Any advice?”
YES. First, you should know: almost everyone deals with this variety of conflict at some point. You are not alone! (8:08)
Tips for Helping Your Family Understand Montessori
1. Find the gratitude. (8:30) What do you love most about the way each of your family members DOES interact with your child? Look for the good and write it down--make an actual list. And if you can’t think of a SINGLE thing--make TIME for observations to try to find some.
2. Pinpoint which concerns are high stress. (10:36) What's your biggest problem? Is it the verbal criticism? Or is it their actual actions toward your child. Can you list the things they do that are non-negotiables for you? What things can you allow / or let go of? We tend to think everything is equally important--but we need to evaluate which pieces here are the most important to the success of the child and your own sanity.
3. Decide how - and when - would be the best time to have that conversation. (14:54) Different people communicate in different ways. Are they receptive to talking to you about this? Would they respond to an expert or a book? Do they like joking, light hearted conversations or do they prefer a heart to heart? Go for a walk so you can both muse?
4. Consider not using the word Montessori. (17:23) Know whether the person you are talking to is open to learning more about Montessori, or whether the word itself will turn them off from the conversation. If it is the latter, don’t even bring it up! Talk about the qualities without using the word.
5. Acknowledge feelings first. (18:37) Connect & empathize. Speak respectfully but confidently. Some phrases you can try:
“I want to talk about how we can all help….. be successful.”
“When you....I have noticed…”
“The other day when he....you....and I'd like to talk to you about that.”
6. Set some boundaries and make sure your expectations are clear. (22:25) Frame these around your non-negotiables. You also must understand that some compromises may be needed to keep the peace, especially if you are living with them.
Gratitude
Today, I’m grateful for hard conversations. They have allowed me to become a more confident parent. In having to explain my parenting philosophy, I myself understood it deeper and became a better, more grounded parent myself.