With all the Montessori love going on these days in the online world, it’s easy to get caught up in the hunt for the next “must-have” toy to add to your shelf. So that, of course, you can take a “shelfie” and feel pleased with what money can buy. And also, no doubt, anticipate having a great time playing with it with your child. And I hope you do!

There’s nothing wrong with toys. I’m all for them if you are intentional about what you purchase and not continually shifting your attention to the most popular thing everyone else seems to have. But unfortunately, this kind of consumerism is making applying Montessori principles harder and harder to apply practically in real life. Even the words “real life” seem to have been co-opted by companies selling products on social media.

A privileged child with many beautiful playthings absolutely is living a real life.

But spending a lot of money is not necessary for a child’s developmental needs to be met!

Real life is also being scrappy. Using what you’ve got. Sleeping with mama & sister in a crowded mattress right on the floor instead of on a pretty wooden bedframe. Picking out today’s clothes from a .50 cent thrifted basket (or heck, even a cardboard box) instead of a fine child-sized wardrobe.

To those of you who have found yourself in a spiderweb of confusion about what is and is not Montessori and whether you need to invest in all those recommended toys, here is what to do instead.

Find a Community of Parents

When I was a brand new mom, I joined a birth club. Do these still exist? I have no idea, honestly. But I was a member of the June 2007 BabyCenter community, and even though it was a mere handful of mamas, it was genuinely impactful on my parenting. It was so wonderful to have support when I was alone at home with a baby for the first time. I had a place to express my long term fears and immediate worries.

Communities can be sounding boards, even when you don’t agree 100% with the other members. In fact, agreeing with all of the members of any community is not possible or even desirable. Sometimes when another person disagrees, you become even more self-assured in your own decision!

Many Montessori communities exist to support parents specifically interested in studying Maria Montessori’s work and applying the method to life at home with children.

Let Yourself Explore More Deeply

Many people get started with the Montessori-inspired toys or trays of activities on Pinterest--but the beauty is so much deeper than that! Let those things be a gateway but don’t let yourself get hung up in them, or feel like they are necessary to make your home Montessori-aligned.

Let Go of Your Guilt

You are not the sole thing which regulates your child’s happiness or determines your child’s personality. We can say from experience--the situation is bigger than you! Observe and try to let go of the notion that every difficulty is something YOU are doing wrong when your child is melting down or simply seems disinterested in working.

Trust your child to get to where they need to be. You don’t need to be the driver. Trust that amazing Absorbent Mind so you can release and enjoy the journey.

Reframe Your Social Media Envy

Everyone feels that deep gut pang of desire, envy, or even guilt on occasion. It’s a pretty normal human trait. When you start to feel the uglies creeping in, ask yourself: do I already have something that meets this need? Would this child really BENEFIT from this, and would it suit their interests?

Remember that Montessori spaces do not need to look the exact same way. Your space is worthy because it is your own and works for your child.

Do What You Can, Where You Can

No one starts off with perfect Montessori prepared environment. You cannot know what your child needs until you observe the child you have and get to know her personality and interests.

As you learn, slowly, work your way towards an environment that provides for your child’s developmental needs. You will likely find that the less you TRY to entertain your children, the more engaged they will become. Don’t be fooled into believing that you need every baby gadget or that things that you buy can solve every problem.

Focus On Living Life Together

You don’t always have to have a plan or have the perfect work to present at the perfect time. A lot of life--especially with babies and toddlers--is just about going with the flow of their needs and letting it dictate your rhythm. Follow their needs!

Know that It’s Never Too Late

No matter what: you cannot ruin your child by not starting Montessori early enough. It’s a joy to see it in action at any stage. Additionally -- Montessori is not a fix. It’s not a solution. It’s just a way to watch them grow.